Christmas sucked.

I got sick. Let's just say gastric upset. I can't believe I missed out on my brother's shrimp scampi and steaks made on the wood fire. Cripes. Bah- stomach bug!

I knew it was too good to last!

The storm almost over, leaving approximately eight

inches in its wake.

This is the view out my back window yesterday morning. Yay. I had been perfectly content living in the-Not-So-Great-White-North sans snow, it was pleasant even! I guess all good things must end...

This storm came after we'd had nearly a week with both misting rain, fog and ice fog, followed quickly by two days of solid rain. And I'm not overstating... People were looking for the Ark! I had a puddle in a low spot in my yard that was over ankle deep!

I was on the highway when the dangerous change began. Around here, when there's rain, it can turn to glare ice in a matter of minutes. I had the radio off and had already dropped my speed to 55.

I carefully listened to the hiss of the water under the tires. It was mesmerizing, to the point of almost hypnotic, when it stopped. It was only for less than a perhaps 15 feet, but there it was... No sound...

The water was gone. It was now black ice.

I reduced my speed immediately and sighed a bit when I again heard the much more comforting hiss. Then the song of the tires on wet pavement began to skip like an old LP with a scratch. The temp was dropping and fast.

I was luckily getting off the highway within a few miles and was quite relieved. Then... it started. Huge raindrops began to "plop" on the windshield. Seriously.

Plop!

The snow was the worst you can get... wet, heavy and thick. Reducing visibility to only around 50 to 75 feet and sometimes much less in front of the car. And it was not about to quit. When it was time to head back home about 20 minutes later, there was any easy three inches of snow to clean off the car. At this point,I had no choice other than the highway to use, as the secondary roads were unplowed, unsalted and had deep, deep ditches.

What had been a 40 minute trip back home stretched into almost two hours. The police were all waiting in the turnouts, being a visible deterrent to the brain-damaged SUV owners driving like bats out of hell, but mostly just waiting mid-corridor for the accident responses to begin.

I'm a pretty strong person emotionally, I don't get rattled too easily, but parking the car at home, the "decompression" hit before I could get out of it. I cried for about 10 minutes. And said a small prayer for the safety of others still on the road.

Well... there are many that got their wish for a white Christmas. Me? I'm wishing for 40 degrees and sun all day tomorrow and the rest of the coming week.

Yeah, yeah.... bah humbug once again. HA!

Too weird for words........

Here in the Not-So-Great-White-North things aren't great. They aren't horrible, they're just not great. They're not white either. We have not had snow since the big storm in October. That's long gone and it verges on the spooky quite frankly. The humidity has been high and two nights ago we had rain with thunder & lightning! We're half way through December!

With the humidity so high we have been having fog that just may rival London's. I find it spooky in that "Maybe-this-is-the-end-of-the-world-and-we-just-don't-know-it-yet-because-there's-that-quality-of-oh-my-God-there's-something-in-the-fog!!"

You know what I mean... remember the movie from the late 70's? (I heard they made a remake but nothing compares to; "There's something in the fog!!" and Adrienne Barbour crawling around the top of a lighthouse dodging zombie pirates)

When it comes to standing at your kitchen sink while doing the dishes and the fog is so thick it appears like the house 20 something feet away looks like a shadow rather than something solid. It does bring a slight chill on.

At least it was in the high 40's yesterday. Sweatshirt weather. Today was really raw. Much lower temps and a vicious wind. It seems more like early spring weather!

I know a number of people that are crabbing about no snow for Christmas... I'm along the lines of, "So what's your point?" Yeah, yeah... Bah humbug me..." I guess it's just not so much that I don't like Christmas or stuff like that. It's just me being practical.

Others: "Snow at Christmas, pretty, fluffy oh my!"

Me: "It snowed. Heavy, slippery, oh crap." I wonder if I need more pain medications before I go shovel.

But I'll wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! (Oh... I'm not doing the Season's Greetings thing... it's Merry Christmas. If that offends you, well just get over it.) There... Bah humbug.

And the snow's gone.........

Fog advisory In Effect Tomorrow Morning!

Wow... The Not-So-Great-White-North has been experiencing some very strange weather. In October the temps were running routinely at or 10 degrees below the "normal" range for this time of year.

The snow melted and we are actually breaking previous record high temps for November! There's not so much as a hint of snow on the ground, and the deer hunting was more like a race to get the deer gutted, registered, skinned and cut up for immediate freezing. Simply put... all this weather stuff is just nuts!

It was nearly 60 degrees yesterday! I was wearing only a tee-shirt and jeans while cleaning out my Dad's rain gutters. (Oh man... I hate doing that!) Primarily because it takes me two days to recover! I've made liberal use of muscle relaxers in the last 24 hours. It's the only thing keeping me moving. You know... not needing a coat, hat & gloves outside at this time of year verges on the creepy!

My fearless musher doll, is facing pretty nasty conditions as well. In Alaska no less! They've only had one or two scant snow falls and as a result daily training for the Iditarod is becoming an issue.

There's a possibility that they may get snow this week. Odd as it is, I am praying for snow. For her.

I'd be perfectly content to spend the rest of the winter snowless. I don't even care if we don't have a white Christmas! There I said it! Bah, humbug on me, but from a practical standpoint... Nope, sorry would still be happy without any!

This is going to be short. I'll try to add more tomorrow. I called dibs for one of my "Mental Health Days" for Monday. It is clearly time for one... I do it ever so often, the phone goes unanswered, and no calls are made. (Other than checking in with Dad)

Mostly I do it to try and pull my scattered self together... the last couple of months I've been like a BB bouncing around in a boxcar. Hence... a mental health day.

Since one of my more cynical thoughts for gray, gloomy days is, "A day like this really helps savor a bad mood..." With tomorrow's fog warning, it seems appropriate!

HA!

Who knows what the end of the day will bring... maybe I'll upgrade from BB to pellet!

The snow is here!

Ooo... It's so pretty! It really is!

Okay... That's about all I can muster for now. It is quite lovely though. I will enjoy that thought until I have to go outside and shovel. I've been debating the last couple of hours if I should do that.

The original predictions of the weather men said, "Oh... Flurries up to perhaps five inches in some of the viewing area."

Roughly translated, this means that they won't know how much we're gonna get until it's over either.

Here's one for you... What is God's favorite television comedy? The weather! (Come on now... You had to see that one coming!)

Back to shoveling... The reason I'm considering shoveling now, even though it's still snowing.... Is because there is already an easy three inches on the ground. If I shovel that off, then maybe when it's over I'll only have to shovel off an additional two (or four or five or start begging the neighbor for help!)

My biggest worry is my abdomen, I've just decided I'll try it and then take it from there. Wish me luck, I've a feeling I'm going to need it!

This one's better than "Lizards"

WAX is "Not your Friend"

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair hot wax and now...the "cold" wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the cold waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

How great is this? A "cold wax" kit! No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.

I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH DEAR GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!

Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious... Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.

WHAT?!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

My LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *Hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxy-ed myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and *Hoo-hoo* are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or *hoo-ha*?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.

I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on....

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the crap out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Well this hardly ever happens!

I'm checking on friend's home while they're away. I discover that the heating system has malfunctioned and I need to get a repairman there.

What's so odd about that?

Well... Here in the Not-So-Great-White-North, it's a rare day indeed when you go outside to warm up in November! Completely unreal! It is strangely foggy and floaty.

I keep thinking about that stupid movie, The Fog (the original, not the remake... uh-oh... There's a hint as to my age!) but it does give pause, especially when the weather people are saying there's a possibility of hitting the low 60's in a few days!

Too weird for words.

Although it would have been cool to have been like this on Halloween!

It's getting cold again... Part Two

Since this is gone...

I know this is coming...

Yay.

Anyway... It's just the way things are when you live in the Not-So-Great-White-North. At least the brutal winds have subsided so that means, twelve degrees is once again twelve degrees. Removing the 'Wing Chill' factor from the mix makes the weather changes easier to take.

Currently I'm observing Ludie getting stoned. Now this isn't something I do for kicks. Honest. It is just the first step in his future extended visits to grandpa's house. I'm hoping that doing this will help his anxiety level when it comes time for him to stay ten days or so at Dad's.

What I can say for sure is that it's not doing much in helping with my anxiety level over it! If I didn't have to drive I'd be sharing the valium with him. I guess that I really don't need that this morning. While I've been sitting here and writing this, I was debating if I should make another pot of coffee.

I finally decide yes as I finish the last of the coffee in my mug. So I got up, went into the kitchen and discovered I still have almost a half a pot left. Hmm... I really thought that'd drank the whole thing already.

Soooo... no, I really didn't take any valium. And yes, I really need to make a second pot.

Ludie, by the way, is lying on the foot of my bed. If I turn around and look at him, he purrs. When I look away he stops. Look at him... Purr. Look away... Stop.

Yeah, I remember meds that good! (come on! I was talking about when I was having chemo and stuff!!)

Why talking in front of your car is bad.

This picture is just a lazy bend in the Tomorrow River.

It was carved out by a glacier and along the way,

the glacier deposited these huge boulders

as it slowly melted into oblivion.

From the first time I saw it,

it made me think about

a giant dropping pebbles

so he could find his way back home.

I recently was able to spend some time with good friends. While that was really wonderful I made some mistakes. The first thing I did wrong was forgetting an overnight bag. After loading stuff into my car for the trip, I was too preoccupied and wasn't thinking in the here and now.

Part of that was because normally, I would have taken all the various stuff I travel with to the car in one fell swoop. Having just reached the 6 week mark since surgery, it wouldn't have been wise to just cart everything out in one trip. (Like I always do otherwise...)

Mistake number one: I put the stuff in the car and never went back into the house for my overnight bag. I was about two-thirds of the way to my destination when I realized this. (It also reminded me that my back door was unlocked but at least it was shut! The thought of the furnace running all night and day made me sick to my stomach...)

I was very annoyed with myself but figured, I'd still be able to spend at least four or five hours with my friends before heading back home.

Mistake number two: Not having my medications with me. A huge mistake I rarely ever make.

Mistake numer three: Talking about the fact that I will be visiting my friend at her home out of state (actually almost out of the country!) in early spring. We were discussing some details while we rode into town to hit the local library for some Internet time.

That task done we were ready to hit the road, grab some lunch and do a little brainstorming about a joint venture. We get in the car, I back out of the parking space. I shift into drive and you wouldn't believe the sound. She immediately asked my what I'd hit, as we both scrambled out of the car.

There was some real fear on my part. We were after all in the parking lot of a library and my heart was in my throat, as I prayed to my God that I hadn't just struck a child I didn't see.

My prayer was answered, but the reason behind the "noise" was my right front tire. It was pulled away from the car. Kind of trying to do it's imitation of half of a "V". That was a bad thing.

Now, it's at this point when I become aware of simple truth and I'm working desperately on the whole, "It's not that bad right? There's good things too, right?" positive attitude mindset... but it was not an easy thing to do.

Let's see:

A) Two hours from home and more importantly my own mechanic. The potential "worst case scenario" of having it towed home made me weak in the knees.

B) Did I mention it was pouring rain/sleet? No? Well, it was and it was cold and nasty.

C) On my hands and knees, I stared into the wheel well. I would have so happily hoped to have seen nothing but the wheel. But alas, I can see well past the wheel because it's doing it's "V" impression and is no longer in the wheel well. What I could see was the fact that the ball joint had broken and lo and behold, managed to actually pull the axle out of the transmission in the process.

I stood up and quickly assessed the situation...

It's pouring... I'm quickly becoming soaked.

My friend has gone back into the library to find out who we should call...

I'm looking at my worst nightmare... I'm alone in a small town, with no way to maybe pull off a "This'll do ya' 'til ya' get back home" quick fix.

That's when it hit me... It was all my fault!! She and I had been foolishly discussing the fact that I was saving up a bit for my trip to visit her!! While we were in the car!!!

WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!!!!!!

While I'm waiting for the tow truck I'm calculating this mess mentally. I'm figuring at least $500. When you live on a fixed income like I do, this is not an event that is taken lightly. While there was a big part of me that just wanted to sit down and cry, I figured why? What was the point?

So after the scary estimate moment with the tow truck driver and a hit of my inhalor, (I would have preferred a valium) we hitched a ride back home from my other friend (that would be friend #1's Mom) and I prepared to spend the night. Unfortunately, I discovered that not being able to take my meds was going to be a problem. (See Mistake # 2)

I was up most of the night, I couldn't shut my mind off... Wondering how much it was going to cost, what if when I got back home and I have to have the other side done to be safe...

I think the biggest reason I couldn't sleep was because I couldn't stop thinking about what the mechanic had said. He thought it was a miracle and about how lucky I was that it didn't happen on the highway because It would have flipped and rolled the car in all likelihood.

Me? I was just very relieved I hadn't been on the highway, and even more relieved that it hadn't happened when my friend was in the car with me. If she'd been injured, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself.

The phone call to the shop in the morning yielded the unhappy news that yes, they did have to replace the axle... The good news was that the transmission appears undamaged and it was $100 less that I had expected.

All that drama because I stupidly talked about perhaps having a bit of money in the spring. I hate when they do that!

I call the car "The Duck" (In my family it's a requirement to keep the vehicles straight...) My brother has the "Bunny" because it's a 30 year old Eagle that just keeps going & going.... Dad has "Red" because it's a wine-colored Taurus, same make as mine.

I named mine the Duck because it's teal green.

Coming from a hunting family...

There is a duck we used to hunt... You got it... It's called a Teal. Quack.

Right now I'm thinking about changing my Taurus' name to Christine.

Time slows to a crawl when you don't have coffee...

Can you find the fall invasion of ladybugs?

(Read that as, correction, they're Chinese Beetles

that have no natural enemies in our area,

but oops... the DNR used them anyway!

As a result they drive us nuts!)

I love the sun reflecting off these bright leaves!

Fall is marching onward... and unfortunately, due to a couple of very rainy & windy days... we've lost most of our peak colors. I missed getting pictures of all the lovely maple reds before they were gone, but I'm still feeling post-surgical limitations.

I have been pulled up short in the last few days, I feel so good that I forget and do something I shouldn't. Whatever it is that causes pain ends quickly... along with a forehead slap and a mental note to self.

I started this post well over a week ago... it just seems like I have no time. No, scratch that... I have the time, just not the ambition. It doesn't help that I broke my coffee pot.

I was rinsing it out and dinged it on the end of the faucet. It barely made contact... Seriously, for a mere second... (Well, for anyone that drinks coffee understands that very distinct sounding "tink" that a pot produces just before the glass shatters.) I thought perhaps it wouldn't actually happen.

I was wrong.

One moment I'm holding my coffee pot... the next I'm holding the plastic handle while the glass of the carafe is dropping and shattering in the sink. My only regret at that moment was that it wasn't my second pot of the day. Now I was stuck with none. Yeah, I needed that like a needed a charley horse.

As my outward appearance negated the possibility of just running to the gas station for a 20 oz. mug to tide me over, as it was too warm to wear a hat to hide my greasy hair, and some of the last vestiges of my makeup from the day before were still there. (Which oddly enough, kinda looked like war paint.)

So scrutinizing myself one more time in the mirror confirmed my sad fate... if I was going out to get coffee, I had to take a shower first. I'm not completely sure when the last time I actually was able to even attempt a shower without having coffee first (possibly the mid-90's)

So I took in a big, deep, lung filling breath...

...and went back to bed.

Fall is falling...

Even though it's now technically fall we've had some rather warm weather. Almost into the 70's and quite humid. Things broke yesterday in late afternoon and we had a tremendous thunderstorm. Not a huge deluge of rain, at least not where I live, but spectacular thunder and lightning. Even more impressive when you think about the fact that it was daylight and still the lightning was eye-opening.

Ludie is not a "scared-y cat" but even he launched a couple of times from various perches (including my lap). I understood his dismay because a couple of the cracks made me jump and caused my window crystals to vibrate with frightening intensity. It was as if the thunderclap seemed to be rolling from inside my home rather than above it.

Today is cooler with temps in the mid-50's, though very windy. It has that crisp feeling of fall. And oh gees... here we go again... the wind chill is 49 degrees. I guess I should be thankful it's not 49 below. Ok... yay-it's-not-49-below.

The maple trees on my street are starting the transformation into that beautiful and spectacular red, the huge box elder in my yard has started to go yellow and the canopy of treetops up and down my street no longer give the impression of cool and shady summer.

I'm feeling very, very good. I've forgotten a time or two and start doing something I shouldn't, but a quick flash of pain reminds me that, "Oh yeah it's only been two and a half weeks since surgery." That's when I get annoyed because there are things to get done around here! Cripes!

After my 2 week post-surgical appointment, I can technically drive (like I was really going to not drive!) but it makes me feel better that I've been given the okay.

I've gotten tired of reading (a book a day, or with paperbacks two in a day) I've gotten tired of making my jewelry, I don't have anywhere to set up a jigsaw puzzle, and even if I did, I don't want to even think about what it'd be like trying to keep Ludie from playing hockey with the puzzle pieces.

I've been loading up on the DVD's... I belong to Blockbuster's "To your door" thingy. By the way... (Plug for Blockbuster here!)it is really the way to go... for 19 bucks a month I'm paying in the ballpark for about 4 rentals from the store. Since I average 4 a week, I'm saving roughly $50.00 a month. It's also a great way to see DVD's of TV shows. That's what I really like about it. (Ok, plug is now officially over)

But I have reached a kind of "critical overabundance" of pretty much everything. I'm totally bored with regular TV, DVD's, and old tapes... I was never much of a "regular" TV watcher anyway... but even with the "new fall season" there's still little to hold my attention for any length of time.

So here I sit on the computer... but even surfing is bugging me.

I've decided that, as I'm not allowed to pick up a full laundry basket, (or more to the point, would be physically injured if I did) my plan is to throw my clothes down the basement stairs a few at a time until I get enough to make a load. That should be fun... it might be worth a laugh just to watch Ludie try and figure out the "What the hell is she doing now?" factor. Yeah... could be fun.

Doing laundry... fairly certain I've never described it as fun. Go figure.

The storm over the mountain...

Storm Over Camelback Mountain Phoenix, Arizona

In my life as a cancer survivor, I have had medical issues not directly related to my cancer. But as, a cancer survivor... anything deemed "routine" to others is not routine for me.

I have to wait for pathology reports. The time it takes for results... is the storm as it moves over the mountain. Loved ones wait with me... wondering if the rain will come... if the thunder will shake the quiet... My blessings to you all...

The storm has safely and blessedly passed...

Rain & cold... it was inevitable...

Today is also a typical fall day. Gray skies, drizzling damp alternating to outright rain. The surgery stressed my body so I'm feeling chilled. No surprises there.

I couldn't stand being housebound anymore so I did a quick run to Blockbuster so I could watch something I hadn't already seen. The doc's main concern was being able to mash the brakes. Which I did about six times with no pain in the driveway, so I drove a few blocks... I'm not taking any narcotics (another reason docs push the no driving in the first couple weeks) but I'm also not an idiot... I'm not just going to start running all over.

That would be truly and unbelievably stupid. Especially that this has been the year of "You-can't-get-there-from-here." Only my little "burg" would have road construction on six, count 'em six! of our areas main thoroughfares. It's seriously something along the lines of six out of eight... it's truly frightening.

Anyway... my stamina is picking up more each day. I'm progressing really well and should get the pathology reports sometime today. I'll be quite happy when I do because I know they'll be okay.

What is it Red always says? Oh yeah, "Keep your stick on the ice!"

Why must everyone tell me jokes?!

Here I am, sore and vulnerable... and it seems that all of my friends have become comedians. In the last couple of days, I've received more hilarious email jokes than seems possible.

What's worse is that friends and relatives that claim to love and care for me, now have the ability (during conversations or statements) to make me laugh so hard I'm sure any moment I going to hear the popping of the internal stitches.

I will get even.

Of course I'm just kidding about the getting even part. (Maybe.) It's actually the, "It's-not-really-that-funny-but-after-detecting-anesthesia-in-your-system-the-brain-has-triggered-the-dormant-uncontrollable-laughing-gene." Who knew?

It's a gorgeous fall day, the air is crisp and clean. The breeze sounds "wisp-ier" as more leaves drop from the trees. It's not even close to full peak color yet, and there aren't great amounts of falling leaves yet. In fact most of the leaves dropping now are actually because of the stress on the tress because of the summer drought conditions. But the potential of fall is still everywhere.

I'm doing fairly well. No matter how well prepared you are, the transition between getting settled at home versus the hospital routine is a big one. I'm much more sore now than the first two days but that's to be expected.

Even though I slept in the flat position to ready for my bed at home, it's still lower than the hospital bed. My legs get quite a work out as I put all strain on them to stand and sit. It's one thing I must admit, throughout my numerous surgeries early on, I learned using your legs will keep you of off pain meds as a rule.

What's really funny about that is my choice of footwear. Because of the blood clots in my leg, I had to have those annoying compression on/off things on after surgery. Coming home meant just plain ol' compression hose. They're thigh highs.

To get the full impact, it means I'm wearing these things that are weaved so densely that you can't see the tattoo on my ankle, they're hot as hell and to be quite frank... the time when I actually looked kinda nice in thigh high stockings has come & gone.

But if it keeps me from dying from pulmonary embolus or a stroke, I'll put up with them. Of course, I'm confiscating everyone with cameras before I let them in my house.

I have decided to sleep only in my recliner for the next few nights. While I've been able to get into a comfortable position, once I fall to sleep I tend to turn up onto my side which causes hideous pain.

So the recliner it is for awhile. I think Ludie believes that I now consider him a god of sorts. (You know that cats were worshipped in ancient Egypt, right? Well, they've never forgotten this... that's why they're the way they are.) He thinks this whole, I'm-sitting-here-so-cool-on-top-of-this-pillow-here-just-for-me! Is the coolest thing ever.

I've taken great pleasure in shifting my legs suddenly while he's sleeping. (Get a grip... I don't knock him off or anything... I just wake him up, like he does to me! He has discovered payback can be a bitch when I'm bored) He glares at me and I think he's trying to figure out if I'm doing it on purpose. Silly cat... ancient worship or not... I'm still queen of this house!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Made myself laugh! Time for a nap!

This hospital rocks!!

Well, I'm still here! I had the highly successful surgery done very late on Tuesday! My predictions were correct, other than the Demerol used in recovery, I've only had a couple of tylenol yesterday and two today!

Cool huh? I've been up & down, out of bed walking, showering etc. and in between times hanging out on the web with the laptop the hospital provides! How cool is that!?

The people here, are really fabulous. It's a fairly new hospital, so that's a little of the shine but there is so much genuine caring, professional, & polite attitudes you can't help but feel better.

I took a shower a little while ago and there is nothing that feels better than your first post-op shower. What can I say? Simple pleasures can be the best there are.

Right now I'm just waiting on the doc for the final paperwork to spring me. I know things will be tougher when I first get home and I'll have to be very careful. But home is home baby!!! And I can't wait.

I know Ludie will go crazy and I prepared for that before I left for the hospital by putting pillows on any chair I may sit in. I've even put one in the bathroom. He doesn't do it too often but he sometimes jumps in my lap when I'm in there.

He can be very clingy even though I haven't been gone that long. But he seems to become really stressed when he smells the "hospital smell" on me. Well, lunch is here and I'm hungry!

Shoulda' done my will sooner...

I changed my will, but waited too long before I started... so I guess the fight will be on if I kick it during the surgery! HA!

I know... I have a sick sense of humor. What can I say? It's a trademark!

So it's 3 hours and counting... with luck I'll be back to post more.

If not... it's been fun...

Nearly normal... kind of... sort of, nevermind.

Things are, as always, exactly what the title of this post implies. As near to normal as I get. I haven't been feeling well since I posted last. Yukky "woman trouble" that will put me under the knife in eight days.

I can hardly wait.

I'm not being sarcastic. I really can't wait! I guess I should clarify a bit. Having survived all these years with my cancer is a wonderful gift. The price I paid for it however, was quite high.

Only those that know me best understand the pain I live with 365 days a year. Nerve damage, debilitating pain, surgeries that removed muscle, lung tissue, ribs, parts of my diaphram... the list is endless.

It's also worse on some days over others, but the constant? Is that ever since my journey left "living my life" to "living my life with cancer" I have to sometimes dig very, very deep to find a positive... no matter how small and insignificant it may seem to others.

I am expecting this surgery to be a breeze. I'm just losing the highly annoying plumbing, they're not snagging any bones or muscles or ligaments... I'm really thinking I'll do quite fine. I asked the doc if I'd go home the same day and she laughed! (I was a little miffed...) she told me to count on two but be prepared for three.

I told friends and family I bet I only have to stay one day. A few friends have offered to pay for a shrink. One in particular is really questioning why in the world I would want to leave an environment where I'd be waited on hand and foot.

She has a point.

Of course my father was just logical about it all. He simply reminded me I'm 12 years older than the last time I had surgery. Yeah... thanks.

Time will tell. But for right now, I am focusing as much as I can to keep the nervous fear in the far reaches of my thoughts. I am reminding myself about the two things I've used as "positives" for many years (and through the more than 14 surgeries in 20+ years)...

Warm blankets in recovery. Mmmm...

For those that know me well can't help but chuckle about that. Because this is the girl that wears t-shirts & shorts pretty much year round. I have had to promise to turn my heat up over 65 degrees or a couple of my friends refuse to come to my house in the winter. Wimps.

The other positive I cling to is the one that really counts for me in my heart of hearts. It's one that most people think of as odd... they don't understand how one virtual, "nano-second" can even register, much less have some meaning.

But it is a nano-second that I dream of....

that I long for....

that I crave...

when the anesthesia begins...

and for just that single scintilla of a second before I am out cold...

the pain is gone.

...as if I were normal.

I bid the Blonde Thing good-bye.

Today is, sadly my last day with the happy dog. As I write this, she is currently making a fort with the sofa cushions. I'm not kidding. Of course she's unaware of her actions... she's just looking for her tennis ball.

I normally don't go far without some type of camera with me... I just kept forgetting to bring it. And once again, I've missed another great Kodak moment.(legally I think I'm supposed to put a trademark or copyright thingy behind that but I have no idea how to do that so... just pretend it's there.)

It is always hard for me to leave a dog. They are so loving and kind. And in her case; loving, weird, blonde, dumb and of course my favorite... great comic relief. Truth be told, she is far from dumb. She has moments of frightening intelligence.
Although, at this very moment she has left the fort building to chase her tail. Nope, she has now decided to go back to the fort building. So before she destroys the cushions I need to get the ball.

Man, it never ceases to amaze me... she had that ball jammed down there so far, I had all I could do to get it out! At least now she's happily prancing around with it in her mouth. What I love, is how she just looks like she's the 'Queen of the World' smart and beautiful.

The fact that she just turned her head too quickly to get a better grip on the ball and whacked the side of her head into the doorway makes for a great parting shot. Like I said... comic relief.

When I get home, I'm duck taping a camera to the inside of my suitcase. The look she gave the doorway was priceless.

Why I hate happy dogs.

My time with the "Blonde Thing" is drawing to a close. While I'm bumming because no matter what I write, I love to be around dogs. But I will, as always, be very happy to be back home as well.

No doubt Ludie will like this too. Maybe. Probably? Oh who am I kidding... He has been plotting my death since Tuesday. I'm sure he's honed it to perfection by now.

Oh yeah, the reason I hate happy dogs... Well, as you've probably read through many other posts I feel I've outlined most reasons quite clearly. I discovered a new one with the "Blonde Thing". I must digress a bit to give it the right tone.

Daisy's people have a very large property. The back 1/3 of it has been reclaimed as "natural" (It's becoming quite a popular thing to do... It's a great way to revive butterfly and song bird populations)

Anyway, the Blonde Thing's parents have cut "trails" through this kind of lush prairie type section. This is particularly nice because when taken on the trails, she prefers to do her thing behind the privacy and cover of the tall grass. Me? I applaud any idea that will prevent me from having to pick up dog crap.

During one of our many trips through the trails, she went off into the high grass and inadvertently flushed a rabbit. As I had hold of the leash, it took me a moment or two to get my arm back in the socket. But, finally it did pop back in. Yeah. It was fun. Yay.

So over the course of days and various 'field trips' she was anxiously jumping into the grass hoping to have more fun. Picture a kangaroo-type jump... Bounce-land, bounce-land, her legs kind of stiff. So she's doing the Kangaroo-Watusi" when I see her ears perk up and I knew it was time to dig in.

But before I could reel her in...

She dropped her head down to grab it...

Her head reared back...

She lunged again...

And flipped her head back...

Something was in her mouth...

Grass was to high to see what it was...

She dropped it...

I'm yelling and pulling with all my strength...

My mind's screaming "Oh crap! That poor baby bunny doesn't stand a chance!"

Her head goes down...

Then flips up....

It was one of those surreal moments, in which time stood still...

Then continued in slow motion...

The creature in the dog's mouth was no bunny...

But rather, the one thing in this world that can literally make me pee my pants.....

IT WAS A SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!

That was all the adrenaline rush I needed. I hauled back on that leash and Daisy was catapulted from the tall grass. Seriously... flying through the air. The snake, was thankfully flung the other way when I pulled Daisy out.

I was terrified as I realized my ears were ringing and I was getting a serious case of tunnel vision. I've only passed out once in my life, and I clearly remember ear-ringing & tunnel vision just before I went out cold.

I headed toward the house at a dead run. Daisy (a one year old Golden Retriever) could barely keep up...

As I hit the door, got myself in then got her in.... I just made it to the couch before my body gave out. I wondered "Hmm... Just what does a stroke feel like? Whoa.... Nevermind... I may have the answer in a moment..."

Everything... knees, lungs, basic brain function, (like blinking)...
Nothing was working right.

It was close to an hour later before my blood pressure got down to normal. Then I kept having those nasty 'shivers' you get like when you've seen a really creepy spider or a centipede or something. Yuk.

By now, you may realize I have a slight fear of snakes. Yeah, yeah, so it's more than slight... humor me.

It's amazing to think that after all I've survived in my life...

All I've had the courage to stand up to...

The things that I've stood up for...

...A 12 inch garter snake scares the ever-lovin' crap out of me. It's truly embarrassing let me tell you. The only reason I made it to the house in the first place was the mere fact that there was a pissed off snake in that grass and if I hit the ground out there....

I would have been on the ground

with a snake!!!!!!!!!

In an earlier post I decided I needed a drink... The night that happened? I slept with Prince Valium.

Animal Experts...

We have all seen or heard from various animal experts on one animal related subject or another at some point in our lives. Usually, one will say, "Blah blah blah & blah" and the others follow suit. Then you get those experts that say, "No! It's yadda, yadda, yadda!" You get my point.

Today I am addressing the subject of: Why dogs & cats eat grass as they aren't normally herbivores.

Over the years I have heard lots of speculation. The animal is lacking in some vitamin, or the animal isn't getting the proper nutrients because it's food isn't of proper quality...

My personal favorite has to be, "A dog will eat grass because it has a stomach ache and it wants to throw up." Ick. So, that's essentially Canine Bulimia? Hmm... who knew?

No, I would have to say that's a pretty stupid conclusion for two reasons. A) The dog doesn't always barf, and B) I'm fairly convinced no animal wants to barf anymore than we do.

So why, you might asks is this an issue? Well, I took the Happy Dog (Herein referred to as the "Blonde Thing") to the dog park. A tired dog is well behaved dog. Well, in theory anyway...

First I need to back up... I take her out this a.m. and after God only knows how many minutes I'm thinking to myself, "Self? Do you think that this mutt's time on this earth is going to be shortened considerably if she doesn't stop seeking the world's best poop spot?"

I answered, "Yes... She will die soon."

Cut me some slack... I hadn't even had coffee yet. For that matter the mere fact that I actually made it out to the back yard was in and of itself pretty monumental!

After a few more minutes of her "boogi-ling" around I discover that she's grazing! So, in the house we go. What a beast! I stumbled around muttering under my breath... Mostly wondering if any one's written a book about "101 Ways to Kill a Golden Retreiver." (Get a grip! I'm kidding!) She is, of course a happy dog! Grr...

So later in the day it's off to the dog park. Loads of dogs everywhere! Chasing one another! Jumping over one another! Running up the hills, down the hills... It was like that picture of the dog tree party in the Dr. Suess book.

What does she do? Why she runs up to almost every adult and drops at their feet so they can rub her belly. I try to get her interesting in playing with the other dogs. Not happening.

I decide to walk her up and over one of the hills because there are a pair of huskies and a pair of black labs running around on top of it like they were on fire. I try to get her interested, nope, she's got her nose to the ground & I'm thinking, "Yeah, ok... Do your thing then you'll feel more like playing." I get the little bag thing all ready.

What do I discover? SHE'S GRAZING AGAIN! AGH!!!

No matter what I do, no matter how I try to involve her with other animals the most she does is graze and run up to people for belly rubs. Cripes. After an hour I gave up on even trying to curb the grazing... I decided that the Blonde Thing is simply channeling her 'Inner Bovine" and call it quits.

As we're walking to the car, I realize that the gray velour seats in my new car would probably not look too nice with green crud barfed up on them. I consider the trunk... But then some people came by and I had to reconsider. (again... Kidding)

But the drive home was an adventure. I made sure I was in a lane whereby the slightest sound of gastric upset would be countered with an immediate pulling off the road and exiting the vehicle in under 10 seconds. Thankfully, there were no incidents.

Once home, I decided the back yard was the place to be. The cat that had been bugging me non-stop to be outside was harnessed up and left to wander the landscape, the dog was attached to my chair and I'm peacefully reading my book. Then I look up and see.... the cat grazing on every bit of grass he could reach from his tether.

Seemed like a good time to have a drink... Cheers!

The New Adventures of Dog Sitting!

Well... I did it again. I agreed to take care of "Daisy". Yes, Daisy is a "Happy Dog", she's also just over a year old, and very much a puppy. Except now she weigh about 75 pounds. That's a lot of Golden Retriever when she comes barreling at you at 90 mph!

She has already completely disarmed me, with those chocolate eyes, wet black nose and the whole, "head in the lap routine". She has also quickly become a source of great comic relief.

Like last night... In her effort to get as close as possible to me... She discovered that pushing onto someone's lap when you're (her, not me... Well... That was a long time ago... nevermind.) Anyway, she's on her back, her coat is silky, I've got a satin nightgown on and well... Daisy discovered gravity works.

Sliding off me and onto the floor upside down was pretty funny. Although I had to stop laughing and give her some lovin' when she looked at me wondering why I shoved her off the couch.

To people that say, "Animals are incapable of having expressions... they've obviously never hung around with the dogs like the ones I know.

She has already given me the "You throw like a girl." Look because, well... I throw like a girl. Then there's the, "Mom puts the food in the dish first, then fills the water bowl."

My favorite is the oldie but goodie, "Chances are my Mom didn't tell you I get a treat every hour on the hour, so I'll make you do that with my superior 'doggie powers'!" Sorry blondie... She told me! HA!

Hey... where's the aspirin? I wrenched my neck when she took me out for a drag....

I wish I still lived in the Not-So-Great-White-North!

No, I haven't moved it's just that the weather has been hot then humid, then a chance of rain... desperately needed... then no rain.

Today hot, humid... just plain miserable, then... thunderstorms!!

Lots of rain... probably of little use to the farmer's that need it... it poured so hard and fast it probably ran off rather than soak in.

And now the lightning has begun to flash and the thunder is almost right on top of it so I will sign off.

I need to reserve my strength... I'll have to mow the weeds off my brown dead yard as I'm sure they'll grow knee-high by the morning.

Holey-Moley Winged Mammal Man!

I can't believe I've put this off! One would think that it's because I'm doing all sorts of fun summer things!! In truth, it's just that I've been on Prosac and evidently it's been long enough to be working! HA!

What a world a difference certain medications can make. I can say that about valium. I like valium... a lot! But that really isn't a very smart option... but I just had to throw that in there.

Right now, here in the Not-So-Great-White-North it's rather miserable for those like me, with lung damage and those types of injuries and conditions. It's been in the high 80's and 90's. We set a new high to date of 98 degrees on Saturday! For the first few days, there was a steady breeze and it made it tolerable. Now the humidity has settled in on us too. Yuck.

I was outside long enough to water three hanging plants on my porch, (so maybe three minutes tops) I came back in just gasping like I'd run a marathon. I had to use my inhaler three times and I wasn't sure I would make it into my living room chair. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest.

I don't know how people survive in the southeast, like Alabama and the like. I'd be house bound... Not unlike I am now! I just wished I'd gone to the library over the weekend!

Oh well... There's always the scary closest to clean. Oh man, I shouldn't have written that, my chest hurts too bad to be laughing like this! Unfortunately, it's something I do actually have to do. If I ever won the lottery, the house I'd build would have a minimum of about 17 closets.

In my room.

One fun thing I have been doing is hanging out with one of my best friend's daughter. So far it hasn't been a lot, but I'm lobbying heavily for more time with her. She's a cool kid, I like being around her. We have discovered a common "bond" She's as afraid of bats as much as I am of snakes. I became aware of this as I was sitting in a rocking chair at her house when a bat joined us. I said something along the lines of, "Gees, one more and we'll have a fair fight!" (yes... that's a paraphrased from a movie!)

Scream not withstanding, if that kid ever gets into Track & Field at school I'm pretty sure she'll place 1st in any sprint races she tries. I was sitting in the chair watching the thing when her Mom told me how our fears were similar. Bummer.

I know how silly a phobia can seem to some people...but once I knew about hers, I gave her as much comfort as I could while her Mom captured and ~cough, cough~ "released" said mammal outside.

About an hour later, the small human unit couldn't calm down enough to sleep, so she & I made our way to a local motel so she could get some much needed rest. It was good to see it worked and she was able to go out like a light. Today is her birthday, she's 12. I can't believe it... I remember the first time I saw her and held her. I called today and sang Happy Birthday, of course I changed some of the lyrics having to do with monkeys and zoos.

Wow. Doesn't time go by in a blink?

I find this particularly true as my birthday approaches...

Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. About as much as getting poked in the eye with a stick.

I'm finally settling down some after the health scare. I'm not sure what I'd have done had it not been okay. I really began to question on how far I would have gone. It made me realize that I don't know just how hard I might have fought.

These last few days have really invoked a lot of serious questions within myself. Do I really want to do all that again? Maybe surgery, maybe chemo... and I realized then that the answer really might be no. I guess that maybe I've reached that point in my life where I'm not willing to face more limitations, more pain and impediments of my daily life. Is that so wrong?

Probably not what would one expect to hear from a "survivor" but I think I'm pretty tired of surviving. I just want to live my life. Through no fault of my own, I've had to accept limitations and stumbling blocks for far too long.

I think of what my life has become, how different than what I ever imagined it would be.

Then I look at a small, oblong ceramic dish... it holds black sand and a few black rocks. It is a fulfillment of one of my wishes on my 'before I die' list... I may not have seen it in situ... but I can touch it everyday, so it's one wish granted.

So I guess it's all about perspective... right now, my perspective is fine. We'll have to see about tomorrow...

I got squished...

I could use a little of this kind of tranquility right about now!

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted last! Things have been the general all around chaos of my life. So I'm not sure why I'm surprised.

Anyway... I went in for the "Boob Squish: last week... Unimaginable fun those...

And for the random guys out there reading this...Image taking your "boys" putting them between two Plexiglas panels and squishing them to about half their mass... Then hold still for 45 seconds... Yeah... It's that much fun. I don't know about your "Boys" but my "Girls" are very grateful that this testing is only required once a year!

Part of the utter chaos in the recent weeks had to do with the "squish"... They did some extra shots, then an ultra sound of one of my... nevermind. Of course with my health history... The extra attention really freaked me out.

The OB/GYN, then the mammography Dr. Reassured me they are certain it's benign, etc. etc. but that doesn't help much when you have a cancer history like mine. You know and believe them and what they're telling you... but your deep inside your mind that little nut of fear cracks and it whispers, "Maybe it's not gone..."

It is a feeling that can barely be described. After a couple days, I relaxed... Super-glued the nut back together and moved passed it. Then the GYN Doctor's Office called to tell me they want me to see a surgeon for a "Just in case" follow-up.

I cried for a full day.

Then I pulled myself together and made some decisions, one of which was I'm not going to see the surgeon. I figure since she removed two other benign breast lumps from me in the past 20 years, she doesn't need to see me... she can just review my test results.

For one reason, I think the OB/GYN Doc is just doing a little "CYA" and I also worry about the visit being paid for by insurance. She would be the third Doc involved, so why take the chance for non-payment without a concrete... "We need to know exactly what this is?"

So the nut is glued shut once again.

While I was dealing with that particular mindF***, something even better happened!! The transmission went out on my car! You wanna talk about a mindF***!!

It stands to reason. The car had very low mileage for a car that age, the body & exterior were practically pristine. Problem was that it wasn't driven the way I drive... not that I slam down the gas and don't do maintenance or anything like that, but I do drive everyday... that can be a bad thing.

In hindsight, the shape it was in should have been an indication of how big of a change would be taking place I after I got it. But can you do? Look at cars for sale in the $2000 range? Well over 100,000 miles easy.

Spend that on a car, tranny goes in seven months... yeah, that's what happens when you buy a car with high miles... well, the same applies with the lack of mileage on a car 15 years old. It all comes down to what's gonna happen is gonna happen.

What sucks is that to get it fixed would probably cost $200 to $250 over what I paid for it! It's such a fricking mess. It reminds me of the old saying (or was it just a t-shirt?) if it has "Boys" or "Wheels" it'll give you trouble! To be fair, there are ones out there that read "Girls" or "Wheels" of course, using boys & girls is just being polite with regards to wording for the post!

So other than that... weather's been up and down. Yesterday was wild! Massive thunderstorms rolled through, we got hail... again! It shredded some of my open lillies but thankfully didn't do much damage to the buds coming up behind the open blooms.

Wish that would have held true the last time we had hail... it really affected my irises. It was disappointing but I knew it was a possibility. So what can you say?

I say it's time to go and dry my dishes and throw another load of laundry in the washer... thrilling thought isn't it?