Holey-Moley Winged Mammal Man!

I can't believe I've put this off! One would think that it's because I'm doing all sorts of fun summer things!! In truth, it's just that I've been on Prosac and evidently it's been long enough to be working! HA!

What a world a difference certain medications can make. I can say that about valium. I like valium... a lot! But that really isn't a very smart option... but I just had to throw that in there.

Right now, here in the Not-So-Great-White-North it's rather miserable for those like me, with lung damage and those types of injuries and conditions. It's been in the high 80's and 90's. We set a new high to date of 98 degrees on Saturday! For the first few days, there was a steady breeze and it made it tolerable. Now the humidity has settled in on us too. Yuck.

I was outside long enough to water three hanging plants on my porch, (so maybe three minutes tops) I came back in just gasping like I'd run a marathon. I had to use my inhaler three times and I wasn't sure I would make it into my living room chair. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest.

I don't know how people survive in the southeast, like Alabama and the like. I'd be house bound... Not unlike I am now! I just wished I'd gone to the library over the weekend!

Oh well... There's always the scary closest to clean. Oh man, I shouldn't have written that, my chest hurts too bad to be laughing like this! Unfortunately, it's something I do actually have to do. If I ever won the lottery, the house I'd build would have a minimum of about 17 closets.

In my room.

One fun thing I have been doing is hanging out with one of my best friend's daughter. So far it hasn't been a lot, but I'm lobbying heavily for more time with her. She's a cool kid, I like being around her. We have discovered a common "bond" She's as afraid of bats as much as I am of snakes. I became aware of this as I was sitting in a rocking chair at her house when a bat joined us. I said something along the lines of, "Gees, one more and we'll have a fair fight!" (yes... that's a paraphrased from a movie!)

Scream not withstanding, if that kid ever gets into Track & Field at school I'm pretty sure she'll place 1st in any sprint races she tries. I was sitting in the chair watching the thing when her Mom told me how our fears were similar. Bummer.

I know how silly a phobia can seem to some people...but once I knew about hers, I gave her as much comfort as I could while her Mom captured and ~cough, cough~ "released" said mammal outside.

About an hour later, the small human unit couldn't calm down enough to sleep, so she & I made our way to a local motel so she could get some much needed rest. It was good to see it worked and she was able to go out like a light. Today is her birthday, she's 12. I can't believe it... I remember the first time I saw her and held her. I called today and sang Happy Birthday, of course I changed some of the lyrics having to do with monkeys and zoos.

Wow. Doesn't time go by in a blink?

I find this particularly true as my birthday approaches...

Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. About as much as getting poked in the eye with a stick.

I'm finally settling down some after the health scare. I'm not sure what I'd have done had it not been okay. I really began to question on how far I would have gone. It made me realize that I don't know just how hard I might have fought.

These last few days have really invoked a lot of serious questions within myself. Do I really want to do all that again? Maybe surgery, maybe chemo... and I realized then that the answer really might be no. I guess that maybe I've reached that point in my life where I'm not willing to face more limitations, more pain and impediments of my daily life. Is that so wrong?

Probably not what would one expect to hear from a "survivor" but I think I'm pretty tired of surviving. I just want to live my life. Through no fault of my own, I've had to accept limitations and stumbling blocks for far too long.

I think of what my life has become, how different than what I ever imagined it would be.

Then I look at a small, oblong ceramic dish... it holds black sand and a few black rocks. It is a fulfillment of one of my wishes on my 'before I die' list... I may not have seen it in situ... but I can touch it everyday, so it's one wish granted.

So I guess it's all about perspective... right now, my perspective is fine. We'll have to see about tomorrow...