Needs...

Being away from home and spending a few days believing that your day to day life isn't more than you can handle is sometimes all the respite a person needs.

I needed to do that...

I needed the Homestead...

I needed one of my best friends...

I needed her humor...

Her husband and daughter...

And their humor and laughter...

The reminiscing...

The discoveries of new information on a variety of subjects...

I needed the walk around the property by myself...

Smiling at the ever emergent green peeking up from the forest floor...

Looking at the distorted reflection of the trees on the cold, dark backwater of the river....

Knowing how it would steal the very breath from your lips if you slipped into it's silent and still depths...

I needed it all.

Last night we had a campfire. And it was a typical of a springtime fire in the Not-So-Great-White-North... your front is warm and toasty, your back is freezing.

I sat staring into the coals. It was so hypnotitc, relaxing and soothing. One by one I threw my feelings into the flames.

I wish I could say, "Yup, I'm all better now!" but I can't because it isn't true.

It will in all likelihood, never 'be better'.

I'm not depressed nor am I whining.

I'm just bucking up and understanding that things will never be the same.

I am merely, and perhaps just now finally accepting, that my life will never be what I always expected it to be...

I will never spend the rest of my life the way I dreamed I would...

The way I yearned for...

What I belived I had to look forward to...

Obviously, I needed to do admit that too.