another long night....

Tomorrow is cancer check up day...

Actually, a little later today is cancer check up day.

I can't sleep.

I call what I'm doing, "sharking" like a Great White I circle, moving with no purpose other than to simply move.

I walk from one room to the next, looking out the same window time and again.

I turn TV on. I turn it off.

I start a 'Things to do' list. I don't finish writing it, much less complete the tasks I've written down.

I hate this.

I am this.

After all this time, after all the battles fought, the battles won...

I wait.

I wait for that look, that brief flutter of the eyes before the words come....

"We need to do a scan...."

I fear that moment when the world stops.

I fear.