Exactly how did I get here?

A view fifty million years old or more...

I am 50 today.

Good God, what a concept. I’m not exactly bummed or freaking out like an acquaintance of mine did. I very much love one of my oldest and dearest friend’s idea that the best half of our life has just begun.

I am 50 today.

I was told by my doctors I would never see 30. I was told my light would likely be extinguished before the year 2000...

I am 50 today.

I admit that as a young, fresh, free spirit… this is not where I expected to be at this age. There are glaring differences between the dreams of the past and the reality of the present.

A soul mate to share my humor, love, my days and my nights? Nope.

Children? None.

A big, restored farm house filled with kids, a place with a couple of horses, maybe a goat, some chickens, a bunch of dogs, barn cats to keep the rodent population down, and house cats that think they‘re dogs? Didn't happen.

Or out on my own at a secluded but awesome log home in the woods, maybe on the shores of a private lake or pond? Nope.

Just one big bunch of no‘s…

Where has so much of my life gone? I don’t know. My God, doesn’t life go by in a blink?

I am 50 today.

I am a little sad. I am a little happy. I am not expecting a party, presents or much acknowledgement.

Probably my younger sisters and brother just giving me grief about being older than them. Secretly hoping they do something really extreme so I can pay them back because they will turn 50 after me! (Ha!)

I am 50 today.

It makes me reflect upon my life to date and think occasionally, “What was I thinking?!”
It makes me ask, “Why is it so hard to have to go on and grieve over the great losses of my loved ones?” “How did I survive losing them?” “Why must I face the fact that it will happen again?”

It makes me say, "Wow... I am really proud of that!"

It makes me think about the babies I saw take their first breaths... laughing and crying at the same time... knowing now that some of them have "babies" that are "grade-schoolers!" Unreal.

It really makes me think, "What a life I have had!"

I am 50 today.

It reminds me of a joke I love. Why don’t women over 50 have kids? Because they wouldn’t remember where they put them.

I go along with that. Yesterday I left my house and forgot to put underpants on under my shorts.

I am 50 today.

Cripes.