Four days...

I just washed my hair and can't do a thing with it!

Most of you guys won't get that reference... it was a tag line in a Dippity-Do commercial (or something like it) when I was in high school. (And for those of you trying to figure out when that was... 1972 through 1976)

Anyway........

So I've been 50 four days now. I'm happy to report that I don't feel any differently than before I turned 50. The coffee I spilled on my fingers still burned, my debit card numbers still feel worn. So, woo-hoo! my feeling capabilities have survived.

It's been wicked hot considering tomorrow is the first of September. It was 87 by noon and I would hazard a guess that it's at least 90+ now. I will readily admit that I am looking forward to cooler temperatures. That doesn't happen too often.

I'm happy that my grass is crunchy and even the weeds are hardly growing, but it's scary to think that they have been warning people not to park cars on dry grass (there has been a couple of fires started because the exhaust pipes were hot enough to spark the super dry grass!)

That is scary! Even I'm being very cautious. I have been parking on the street until my car is well cooled off. Then I park under my canopy. I don't have insurance if a fire starts. It doesn't help that it has been continuously windy which is also very scary. It doesn't take much of a breeze to fuel a spark into an inferno. Cripes. You'd think we were living out west!

But... dry is dry so caution prevails. (Well, for some... there's always some joker out there that says, "Oh it's okay... I gotta hose!") There's one in every crowd.

Well... I'm off to go lie on my bed and let the cool air of the conditioner flow over me. Kind of like... art. (Cite the name of the movie that came from! HA!)

Chances are I will be there until sometime tomorrow. Well... in a perfect world that is!

Exactly how did I get here?

A view fifty million years old or more...

I am 50 today.

Good God, what a concept. I’m not exactly bummed or freaking out like an acquaintance of mine did. I very much love one of my oldest and dearest friend’s idea that the best half of our life has just begun.

I am 50 today.

I was told by my doctors I would never see 30. I was told my light would likely be extinguished before the year 2000...

I am 50 today.

I admit that as a young, fresh, free spirit… this is not where I expected to be at this age. There are glaring differences between the dreams of the past and the reality of the present.

A soul mate to share my humor, love, my days and my nights? Nope.

Children? None.

A big, restored farm house filled with kids, a place with a couple of horses, maybe a goat, some chickens, a bunch of dogs, barn cats to keep the rodent population down, and house cats that think they‘re dogs? Didn't happen.

Or out on my own at a secluded but awesome log home in the woods, maybe on the shores of a private lake or pond? Nope.

Just one big bunch of no‘s…

Where has so much of my life gone? I don’t know. My God, doesn’t life go by in a blink?

I am 50 today.

I am a little sad. I am a little happy. I am not expecting a party, presents or much acknowledgement.

Probably my younger sisters and brother just giving me grief about being older than them. Secretly hoping they do something really extreme so I can pay them back because they will turn 50 after me! (Ha!)

I am 50 today.

It makes me reflect upon my life to date and think occasionally, “What was I thinking?!”
It makes me ask, “Why is it so hard to have to go on and grieve over the great losses of my loved ones?” “How did I survive losing them?” “Why must I face the fact that it will happen again?”

It makes me say, "Wow... I am really proud of that!"

It makes me think about the babies I saw take their first breaths... laughing and crying at the same time... knowing now that some of them have "babies" that are "grade-schoolers!" Unreal.

It really makes me think, "What a life I have had!"

I am 50 today.

It reminds me of a joke I love. Why don’t women over 50 have kids? Because they wouldn’t remember where they put them.

I go along with that. Yesterday I left my house and forgot to put underpants on under my shorts.

I am 50 today.

Cripes.

Where has the time gone?

A beluga whale spouting ~ Alaska in May, 2008

How amazing, huh? I can't believe two things associated with this picture... first, a beluga whale in the wild! no less! And second, how can it be three months since I saw it?

Cripes. The Fair is under way... a sure sign in the Not-So-Great-White-North that summer is winding down. I've started to notice some subtle coloring at the tops of some of the maple trees in my neighborhood.

I laugh to myself as I hear the groans and complaints of the children I encounter in the local stores. Poor things... walking behinds their Moms, dreading the questions, like... "What color notebook do you need for science?" "That shirt is not gross! It's just like the other ones you wear!"

I smile to myself and give thanks that those days are so far behind me. Of course, I'm counting the days (literally... only 25 ,more!) until I get smacked upside my head with the big 5-0!

Who knew?

I have to admit... it's a love/hate relationship, this whole continuing to get older thing.

I am suffering through such conflicting emotions. I wasn't supposed to see 30. Or the year 2000. So I'm elated and send a great big "nanner-nanner-boo-boo" out into the universe. Then I think, "Holy crap! I'm going to turn 50!"

That's where the real conflicts roar within. If I could jump for joy, I would. (Crutches are dangerous enough for me much less jumping.) Don't even get me going on the whole crutches thing! I'm completely thrilled when I can manage to go potty without breaking the shower door because of those freaking things!

Gees O' Pete's!!

In a lot of ways I feel deeply depressed as I am hitting this milestone in my life and I am not where I thought I would be at this stage of the game.

And just where might that be?

Anywhere than here I guess.

I find regrets flitting through my mind now and again. I feel quite accomplished in other ways.

I bought a book when I turned 40 titled, "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now!" I probably should have read that. Maybe if I can find it, I'll give it another shot.

Then again... who's to say it's too late? 60 will be coming up much faster than I'll expect it too!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!