Reflection...

It's pouring rain today.

It's like a crisp pulsing against the windows. Little tics of sound. Rhythmic, soothing...

Sleep comes and goes throughout the night.

A flash that skitters across the white walls of my bedroom... A rumble, low and throaty... rolling away until the tics against the window are audible again.

After I get up I gaze out the window and across my back yard, I watch a cottontail taking shelter in my carport for a few moments. I'm simply amazed at how incredibly vivid the varying greens of my yard are in the gray, overcast and rainy day.

The rain brings fond memories to mind...

Out at the 40... cheap, plastic rain ponchos so we could play outside and not drive our mothers nuts.

Ponchos that had more duct tape covering the inevitable rips than there was plastic by summer's end.

A flash that suddenly bursts inside my mind...

Hanging upside down from the old swing set to determine if the rain would go up your nose and make you sneeze...

Discovering a true test could only take place without the rain poncho on.

Discovering that hanging upside down on the old swing set was fun in the rain...
with or without the poncho.

"Oh for crying out loud!!"

"Get off that swing set! It's metal!"

Never quite grasped the concept of why we had to get off... We weren't allowed to be outside when it was lightning out anyway.

"Oh gees! Was that the camper door?!"

"We're off of it! We're gonna go play by the tree stand"

"No! By the tree stand! Not in the tree stand!"

Hmm... in the tree stand?

"Hey you guys... first one in the tree stand gets the first `smore!"

"Mom!"

"Carol fell by the tree stand!"

"Mom!" Carmen saw some blood and I think she passed out!"

"No... we were just by the tree stand!"

"Let's go skip rocks..."

"Hey! Some of those were rain!"

"No way you got ten on that throw!"

"Guess what?!" "The bat's back in the outhouse!"

"Oh hi Mom... no, I meant there's one by the outhouse."

"Dad!"

"Mom said come kill the bat in the outhouse!"

"Hey Dad? If you put it out in the rain can it still fly?"

"Wow! Look how fast it flies! Daddy, where will it go?!"

"How come we can't come fishing too?!"

"Eat your lunch and if it stops storming out you can go play outside again..."

"Just crawl into your bunks for a little while until it passes."

"No way I'm taking a nap!"

The rain taps out a cadence on the canvas and aluminum camper. My eyelids grow heavier. I look at my Mom fast asleep. I hear the boat come back to shore with my Dad and uncles. I doze... I hear them talking as they clean the fish they caught.

I roll over and snuggle deeper into my sleeping bag. The rain is coming a bit harder now. A steady beat... lulling me into a deeper sleep.

I feel my Dad come into the camper more than hear him. I am aware he is taking off his shoes and getting up on the bunk fully dressed like the rest of us, to lie down beside Mom.

I open my eyes as he snuggles next to her, giving her a kiss on the cheek and a wink for me. "Go back to sleep" he whispers.

I couldn't stay awake if I tried.

Today, I stare out my window and my heart feels so peaceful. I remember 'rain naps' in the camper... I remember listening to the rain and watching my parents sleep. I remember playing in the rain... knowing that at some point we'd be called in to nap. I remember times I didn't bother to be called in. I just came in and curled up on my bunk to listen to the rain... and fell fast asleep.

I wish I were in that camper right now... Mom and Dad... nestled together on their bunk... I remember the sounds, the smells of the forest.... I remember how safe I felt... how happy, how loved.

I'd give just about anything to be able to open my eyes and be looking across the camper, seeing my Mom curled up in my Dad's arms yet again...

It's pouring rain today... and I find myself smiling at the memory rather than crying... and that's okay. I sit in my living room with no lights on, listening to the heartbeat of the rain...

"Hey! You guys! Let's go play in the bay!... we'll be back later Mom! Love ya'!"